Some autistic children find the demands of school, and the school environment, almost unbearable, leading to absence or ‘school refusal’. It’s a term that some people feel unfairly implies the child or young person has a choice, when in fact they may not be simply unwilling, but actually unable to tolerate school.

Help them to identify and share their emotions with you. If they’re feeling anxious, talk about breathing exercises or grounding – which could include hugging and talking through what they can see, hear, smell, taste and feel – then try them together! You could even fit these techniques into your schedule at home.

Things to try

• Keep to morning and bedtime routines as much as possible – as the time to return to school draws closer, gradually move these towards the times which reflect their schedule when attending school. ​
• Use countdowns and calendars to visually indicate and prepare for the number of days until school return. A child or young person might want to cross off days as they pass so that they can see clearly the number of days remaining.​
• Get familiar with wearing school uniform – children and young people with sensory difficulties should familiarise themselves with the wearing of a uniform again – especially if they are moving setting and it’s new to them. Shoes may be problematic – let them wear them around the house for short periods of time, with a view to increasing this time, so that tolerance can be developed. ​
• Use visual checklists to help organise your child’s school bag, and practice packing it together with the items needed for different days. ​
• Consider using exercise to practise the journey to school and back.​
• Communicate with your child’s teacher and try and involve your child in the process and arrangements as much as possible giving them details about which room they go to, what time they go there, how long they will be there and what will happen next.

Helpful websites and support

• National Autistic Society (NAS) – What can I do if my child won’t go to school?
• Ambitious about Autism – Provides resources for parents, carers, and professionals, including toolkits for supporting social development and inclusion.
• Contact – Supports families with disabled children, including those with autism. Offers guidance on social opportunities, play, and peer support.
• Scope – Offers inclusive play and friendship resources, as well as support for parents navigating social challenges.
• Autism Education Trust (AET) – Focuses on educational settings but includes helpful materials for parents and carers on building social confidence.
• Preparing my autistic child to return to school – BBC Bitesize
• Supporting your autistic child with anxiety – Action for Children Parent Talk
• Torbay Family Hub – Know Your Normal – Toolkit for young people with Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC)