Help your child understand their behaviour is separate from who they are or how they feel.
Be specific about what you’ve noticed, without using labels or negative words like ‘naughty’, ‘bad behaviour’ or ‘horrible’. Let your child know it’s completely normal to feel angry, frustrated or upset — but there are kinder and safer ways to show those feelings.

Explain why certain behaviours aren’t okay
It’s important for your child to understand the impact of their actions. For example, you might say:
“Feeling angry is okay, but hitting can hurt others,” or
“It’s alright to feel upset, but shouting at me makes me feel sad.”

Use gentle, clear phrases like:-

• “I notice there is a lot of shouting happening.”
• “I think something might be upsetting you.”
• “I feel worried you’re not happy.”
• “I need you to know you can talk to me about what’s going on.”

Be curious, empathetic and non-judgmental
Try to see things from your child’s point of view. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they feel — whether that’s sad, angry, worried or something else.

Reassure them
Remind your child that you love them and want to help them feel better and enjoy things again.

Depending on their age, these calming strategies might help:

• Spending some quiet time alone
• Drawing or painting
• Doing something active like running or playing a favourite sport
• Listening to music

Helpful websites and support

• NHS – Dealing with child behaviour problems
• Young Minds – Offers expert advice, toolkits, and helplines for parents and carers supporting children with emotional and behavioural challenges.
• Minded for families – Free educational resources for families on children’s mental health, including behaviour and emotional development.
• Anna Freud Provides guidance and resources to help parents support their child’s mental health and wellbeing.
• Parent Talk by Action for Children – Free, confidential 1:1 chat with parenting coaches and expert articles on a wide range of topics including behaviour, sleep, and emotional wellbeing.
• Family Lives – Offers confidential support and advice on all aspects of parenting, including managing behaviour and emotional outbursts.
• NSPCC – Practical advice on positive parenting, managing emotions, and building strong relationships.
• CBeebies Parenting – Great for younger children — includes videos and tips to support communication and emotional development.
• Child and family Health Devon, CAMHS -Specialist mental health services for children and young people.
• Torbay Family Hubs – Managing emotions page